The 5 Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance

The 5 stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the model in her 1969 book On Death and Dying, based on her interviews with terminally ill patients. Her co-author David Kessler later extended it to the bereaved and, in 2019, added a sixth stage: finding meaning. The stages are not a fixed sequence and not everyone experiences all of them, but they remain the most widely recognized way of describing how people respond to loss. This guide explains each stage, what it can look like day to day, how the model has been updated, and when grief may need professional support.

What Are the 5 Stages of Grief?

In the Kübler-Ross model, the 5 stages of grief in order are:

1. Denial – shock and disbelief that the loss has happened.
2. Anger – frustration and blame directed at others, yourself, or the situation.
3. Bargaining – "what if" and "if only" thinking, and attempts to negotiate a different outcome.
4. Depression – deep sadness, withdrawal and emptiness as the reality of the loss settles in.
5. Acceptance – acknowledging the loss and beginning to rebuild a life around it.

Kübler-Ross herself wrote that the stages were never meant to be a tidy checklist. People move back and forth between them, skip some entirely, or feel several at once. In On Grief and Grieving (2005), she and Kessler applied the model to people mourning a death rather than facing their own, and stressed that there is no typical response to loss because there is no typical loss.

The sections below look at each stage in more detail.

1. The Denial Stage of Grief

Denial is usually the first response to a loss, and it is a protective one. When the news is too big to absorb at once, the mind lets it in a little at a time. In practice, denial rarely means literally believing the person is still alive. It looks more like numbness, disbelief and a sense that the world has become unreal, or finding yourself reaching for the phone to call someone who has died. Denial can follow the death of a loved one, a terminal diagnosis, or the sudden end of a relationship or career.

Kessler describes denial as "nature's way of letting in only as much as we can handle." As the numbness fades and you begin to ask how and why the loss happened, the healing process has started, and the feelings you were protected from begin to surface.

Read more: The denial stage of grief

2. The Anger Stage of Grief

Anger can be aimed almost anywhere: at the person who died for leaving, at doctors who could not save them, at family members who seem to be coping too well, at God, or at yourself. It often shows up as irritability and a short fuse rather than rage. Underneath, anger is usually a measure of how much was lost, and it gives shape to pain that would otherwise feel formless.

Anger is a normal and even useful part of grieving as long as it does not turn destructive. Kübler-Ross encouraged people to feel it fully rather than suppress it, because anger that is pushed down tends to resurface as guilt or physical tension.

Read more: The anger stage of grief

3. The Bargaining Stage of Grief

Bargaining is the mind's attempt to regain control. Before a death, it can sound like a promise: "I will be a better person if you let them recover." After a death, it becomes a loop of "what if" and "if only" thoughts. What if I had insisted on a second opinion? If only we had not argued that morning. Bargaining is closely tied to guilt, and it can keep you living in the past to avoid the pain of the present.

It helps to recognize bargaining for what it is: a way of postponing the full weight of the loss. As those negotiations fall away, sadness usually moves in, which is why bargaining and depression often overlap.

Read more: The bargaining stage of grief

4. The Depression Stage of Grief

The depression stage arrives when the reality of the loss settles in. It is the stage most people associate with grief: deep sadness, emptiness, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, changes in sleep and appetite, and a wish to withdraw from other people. This is a natural response to a profound change, not a sign that something is wrong with you.

The depression of grief differs from clinical depression. Grief tends to come in waves and is mixed with positive memories, while clinical depression is more constant and often comes with persistent feelings of worthlessness. The two can coexist, and if low mood is unrelenting, interferes with daily functioning for weeks on end, or brings thoughts of self-harm, it is important to speak to a doctor or mental health professional.

Read more: The depression stage of grief

5. The Acceptance Stage of Grief

Acceptance does not mean being fine with what happened. It means acknowledging that the loss is permanent and learning to live in a world that has changed. In this stage the emotional swings become less intense, good days start to outnumber hard ones, and people often find themselves reconnecting with friends, taking on new roles, and making plans again.

Acceptance is rarely a finish line. Anniversaries, birthdays and unexpected reminders can bring back earlier feelings years later. That is normal, and it does not undo the progress you have made.

Read more: The acceptance stage of grief

Is There a Sixth Stage of Grief?

Yes. In 2019 David Kessler, with the permission of the Kübler-Ross family, published Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. Written after the death of his own son, the book argues that acceptance is not where healing ends. The sixth stage, meaning, is about finding a way to honor the person who died and carry their memory forward, whether through a changed sense of purpose, a tradition, a cause, or simply a deeper appreciation of life. Kessler is clear that meaning is not found in the death itself but in what you choose to do afterwards, and that it never requires you to be grateful the loss happened.

Do the Stages of Grief Happen in Order, and How Long Do They Last?

No. The stages are a description of common experiences, not a sequence you are required to follow. Research bears this out. A 2007 study published in JAMA that followed bereaved adults over two years found that acceptance was the most commonly reported feeling at every point, even early on, and that yearning for the person, rather than depression, was the strongest negative emotion. Most negative feelings peaked around six months after the death and eased afterwards.

There is no timetable for any stage. Some people move through intense grief in months; for others, the first year is the hardest because every holiday and anniversary is a first. Grief also does not end so much as change shape. What matters is the general direction over time rather than any single bad week.

Other Models of Grief

The Kübler-Ross model is the best known, but grief researchers have proposed several alternatives that many counselors now prefer.

Bowlby and Parkes' four phases. British psychiatrist John Bowlby, whose work on attachment shaped how we understand bonds between people, and his colleague Colin Murray Parkes described four phases of mourning: shock and numbness, yearning and searching, disorganization and despair, and reorganization and recovery.

Worden's four tasks of mourning. Psychologist J. William Worden reframed grief as work to be done rather than stages to be passed through. The four tasks are to accept the reality of the loss, to process the pain of grief, to adjust to a world without the person, and to find an enduring connection with them while moving forward with life.

The dual process model. Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut proposed in 1999 that healthy grieving involves oscillating between two kinds of coping: loss-oriented (feeling the grief, looking at photos, crying) and restoration-oriented (handling practical tasks, taking on new roles, distracting yourself). Both are necessary, and switching between them is a sign of healthy adaptation rather than avoidance.

Growing around grief. Counselor Lois Tonkin observed that grief does not shrink over time. Instead, life grows around it, so the loss stays the same size while it takes up a smaller share of your day-to-day experience.

When Grief Needs Professional Support

Most grief, however painful, resolves on its own with time and the support of family, friends and community. A minority of people develop what clinicians call prolonged grief disorder, which was added to the DSM-5-TR in 2022 and is also recognized in the World Health Organization's ICD-11. The diagnosis applies when, at least a year after the death (six months for children and adolescents), a person still has intense longing for or preoccupation with the deceased nearly every day, along with symptoms such as identity disruption, disbelief, emotional numbness, or inability to re-engage with life, to a degree that impairs daily functioning.

You do not need a diagnosis to seek help. Consider talking to a grief counselor, therapist or your doctor if you feel stuck, if you are relying on alcohol or other substances to cope, if you are unable to work or care for yourself, or if you have thoughts of not wanting to be alive. In the United States you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at any hour. Hospice organizations also typically offer free bereavement support to families for a year after a death, whether or not the person was in their care.

Grieving While Planning a Funeral

One of the hardest things about the first days after a death is that grief and logistics arrive together. Families are asked to make dozens of decisions, from choosing a funeral home and a casket to writing an obituary and notifying employers and banks, while they are still in shock. If that is where you are, it helps to accept practical support. Titan Concierge offers 24/7 funeral planning services that walk families through each step, and our end of life checklist lays out what needs to happen and in what order.

Knowing that planning a funeral is under control gives you room to actually grieve, which is the point of everything above.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the 5 stages of grief in order?
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Kübler-Ross listed them in that order, but she and later researchers stressed that people do not move through them in a straight line.

Who created the 5 stages of grief?
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. She developed the model from interviews with patients facing terminal illness; it was later applied to bereavement.

Is there a 6th stage of grief?
Yes. David Kessler, Kübler-Ross's co-author, added finding meaning as a sixth stage in 2019.

What is the hardest stage of grief?
There is no single answer. Many people find the depression stage hardest because it comes after the numbness has worn off. Research suggests yearning for the person is the most persistent painful feeling, typically peaking around six months after the death.

Can you skip a stage of grief?
Yes. Skipping stages, revisiting them, or feeling several at once are all common. The model describes what grief can look like, not what it must look like.

The information in this article is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you or someone you love is struggling to cope with a loss, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional.

If you have questions about grief, mourning or end-of-life arrangements, Titan Casket is here to help you get the funeral you want at a fair price, and funeral concierge services from Titan Concierge can take the planning off your plate while you focus on your family.